Sally* really struggled to serve a volleyball. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get the ball over the net.
There were tears, and sometimes she needed to take a break, but after practicing repeatedly against the wall, she finally got her serve over the net. During a tournament game, she was substituted in and served successfully, awarding her team a much-needed point.
Sally learned not to give up just because something was hard, and that perseverance pays off.
This is resilience in action. And here’s what I want our kids at ERCS to learn: resilience isn’t about avoiding challenges. It’s about learning to grow through them.
In a world that feels increasingly fragile, our children need strength that goes deeper than confidence. They need resilience rooted in faith and an understanding of who God is and who they are. They also need the chance to persevere through challenges with love and support from the adults in their lives.
As I prepared a recent presentation on building resilience for our parent community at ERCS, it struck me how simple these ideas seem on the surface and how hard they can be to put into daily practice. But I also know they work. I’ve seen them transform children—including my own.
Here’s what that looks like in practice.
Resilience Is Caught, Not Taught
Resilience is not developed in isolation. Kids take their cues from us. They imitate our responses far more than they follow our instructions!
When we show calm, prayerful problem-solving in response to our own challenges, our kids learn to do the same. When we respond to our own challenges with anxiety and frustration, they learn that as well.
This week, try practicing these responses out loud where your child can hear you:
“This is hard, but let me take a breath and try again.”
“I made a mistake today, but mistakes help me grow. Here’s what I learned…”
“I don’t know how to solve this problem yet, but I’m going to figure it out.”
Notice the word “yet” in that last one. That tiny word teaches a growth mindset. It communicates the belief that abilities can be developed through effort and learning, and that even though the solution doesn’t come right away, it can be found through perseverance.
When kids know that they are safe, loved, and accepted, they are more willing to take risks and make mistakes. And when they see you modelling resilience in your own struggles (without imposing self-judgement or blame), they learn that struggle isn’t the enemy. It’s a natural part of life that leads to growth.
Anchor them in Faith
Prayer teaches kids to turn to God in difficulty. Scripture affirms their identity when life feels uncertain. Faith anchors them when everything else feels shaky.
Your child needs to know three core truths, and they need to hear them regularly:
“I am loved.” John 13:34 says to love each other just as Jesus has loved us. Isaiah 43:4 tells us we are precious, honoured, and loved. There’s nothing your child can do to make God love them more, and nothing they can do to make God love them less. When children accept this truth about themselves, it completely changes how they interact with the world and face the challenges that come their way.
“I am created with purpose.” Psalm 139:14 reminds us we are fearfully and wonderfully made. Ephesians 2:10 says we are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do the good things He planned for us long ago. Nothing about your child is by accident. God doesn’t make mistakes, and He has good plans for them.
“God is with me.” Deuteronomy 31:6 says to be strong and courageous, and not to be afraid, for the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you. Matthew 28:20 promises that God is with us always, even to the end of the age.
Resilience grows from a secure foundation where children understand that they are accepted and loved by God.
Here are some practical ways to integrate this:
- Establish nightly blessings where you speak identity and courage over your child before bed. Choose a verse each week to memorize as a family. Pray through challenges rather than just praying around them. Teach your children to bring their struggles directly to God, not to pretend everything is fine.
- When your child faces something difficult, pray together: “God, this feels really hard right now. But we know you are with us and that you’ve promised to help us. Give us the courage to keep trying.”
This isn’t using God as a band-aid. It’s anchoring your child’s identity in something deeper than their current performance or circumstances.
Step Back So They Can Step Up
Our instinct as parents is to jump in and fix things when our children have a problem or conflict. But when we do that, we’re communicating: “You’re not capable of solving this yourself.” Instead, we need to encourage independent problem-solving that is age- and developmentally appropriate.
For example, when your child comes to you with a problem, try asking: “What do you think you should do?”
Give them space to think. Resist the urge to immediately offer solutions. Guide them with questions: “What are your options? What might happen if you tried that? How do you think the other person would feel?”
This looks different depending on the age of your child. With younger children, you might say, “Let’s think of three ways you could solve this problem.” With older children, you step back even further: “That sounds tough. What’s your plan?”
Here are some practical examples:
- If they fight with a friend, guide them, but don’t fix it for them. “It sounds like you’re both feeling hurt. What could you say to your friend to help them understand how you feel?”
- If they have fallen behind on completing an assignment, don’t jump in and do the assignment for them. Instead, walk them through the process of setting goals and brainstorming strategies to complete the assignment. This may also mean having a conversation with their teacher and asking for an extension. Don’t talk to the teacher for them; instead, practice the conversation at home and guide them through what they might say.
When children solve their own problems – even small ones – they build confidence. And that confidence becomes resilience when bigger challenges come.
Prioritize Play Over Screens
Open-ended play builds imagination and emotional resilience in ways that screens simply cannot, and it has many immeasurable benefits:
- Play is how children process the world, experiment with risk, and learn to solve problems.
- It promotes creativity and imagination.
- It teaches negotiation and problem-solving in groups.
- It encourages safe risk-taking, such as climbing, building, and playing sports.
- It builds self-regulation and coping skills, especially when faced with frustration or not getting their own way.
Six years ago, parents were asking me, “Does your school have Chromebooks? Will my child be able to use technology?” Today, the question has completely flipped. Parents are saying, “I don’t want my child on screens at school. They’re on them too much at home already.”
This shift makes sense when you look at research in books like Jonathan Haidt’s The Anxious Generation. We’re seeing the impact of too much screen time on children’s development, and we’re recognizing that the skills developed through play are essential, just like learning to read and do math.
At ERCS, we prioritize outdoor time and free play, and we encourage children to work out conflicts themselves. We provide guidance, but not absolute solutions to their problems.
You can do this at home, too. Allow opportunities for free play without adult involvement. That might mean letting your kids be bored for a while until creativity kicks in. It might mean sending them outside without a structured activity planned.
And yes, manage screen time. I know this is hard, especially for busy parents, but unstructured play is worth protecting.
Resist Rescuing your Child
I understand the desire to protect kids from the tears and the frustration that come with challenges and failure. When we see our kids struggle, the temptation is to step in and say, “Here, let me do that for you.”
But resilience and self-confidence only come from being given the chance to work through challenges and make mistakes. This is how kids learn to trust themselves and know that they are capable of hard things.
So don’t rescue too quickly. Allow natural consequences when it’s safe to do so. Provide guided support: be there, be available, be encouraging. But don’t fix everything.
Show your children that they are safe, loved, and accepted even when they take risks and make mistakes, because mistakes are the best teachers.
Romans 5:3-4 tells us that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance produces character, and character produces hope. James 1:2-4 encourages us to consider it a gift when tests and challenges come at us from all sides, because our faith is forced into the open and shows its true colours under pressure.
Our children flourish when they can face challenges, take responsibility, and develop new skills.
- If they forget their homework, allow the natural consequence to take its course. Don’t rush it to school for them. Let them experience the disappointment (and perhaps failure) and problem-solve how to do better in the future.
- If they make a behaviour mistake, help them to identify where they went wrong, what they can do differently next time, and what they need to do now to make things better.
- Require them to take on a new responsibility at home, such as unloading the dishwasher, setting the table, or feeding a pet. These aren’t punishments or even chores. They’re opportunities to develop competence, try new things, and perhaps do something imperfectly. By contributing to the running of the home, children also learn that they are valuable members of the family.
God shapes character through challenges. Not around them. Through them.
We get to model this same approach with our children.
You Don’t Have to Get This All Right
I know all this might feel overwhelming. You might be thinking, “I already feel overwhelmed, and like I’m not doing enough as a parent. Now there are five more things I’m supposed to add?”
That’s not what I’m saying.
Choose one. Just one thing that resonates with you and try it this week.
Maybe it’s stepping back from problem-solving and asking, “What do you think you should do?” Maybe it’s establishing a nightly blessing where you speak identity over your child. Maybe it’s allowing them to experience a natural consequence that you would normally rescue them from.
Start there. See what happens.
Here’s what I want you to remember: Children don’t need perfect parents. They need us to be present and to point them toward the One who lovingly created them and promises to be their strength in every situation.
You don’t have to get this all right. You just have to keep showing up, keep trying, and keep believing that your child is more capable than either of you realizes.
That’s how resilience is built, with one small challenge at a time, with lots of love and grace along the way.
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*Students’ names in our blogs are always changed to protect their privacy
What’s one area where you could step back this week and let your child struggle a little? I’d love to hear how it goes. And if you’re looking for a school that partners with you to build your child’s character and resilience, let’s talk. Schedule a tour of ERCS and see how we’re putting these principles into practice every day.
